La Voisine Folle Part Deux

I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that my new neighbor was supposedly mentally disturbed. And apparently this description was right on the mark.
The first time I saw her a week or two ago, she chased after me yelling "Jeune homme! Jeune homme!" ("young man!").
"Yes?"
"Please stop slamming the door at night."
The first time, I thought maybe this was a rational complaint. With my brawny, manly arms that are great for cuddling on cold nights, it can be easy to overdo a door closing. I told her I would try to keep it down.
Since then, I've made a conscious effort to never slam my door--I even do that little thing where you turn the knob while closing the door to avoid making any noise. The next time I saw her in the hall, I couldn't wait to be congratulated on my good work. Instead:

"Young man! You must stop slamming the door every five minutes!"
Every five minutes? Okay, I told her, I would try to keep it down.

Wednesday marked our first smackdown. As I walked into the building, the elevator doors suddenly opened and she screamed at me like some kind of raging beast:

"YOUNG MAN! I've asked nicely, but you keep slamming the door every five minutes! I know the police!!!"
"Bonne journee, Madame" ("Have a nice day, Madame." This was a very French way to handle things).
"Stop! I know the police!"
"You know the police? Well, I know them too, and I'm going to file a complaint against YOU if you continue. Bonne journee."

When I got back to my apartment and started working on assembling my IKEA futon, I overheard her next door on the phone. I was enough of a snoop to leave my room and go stand at her door to listen. I overheard her talking about the "Young man who doesn't work, doesn't go to school, who just stays here all day and amuses himself with the door."
I then realized I still had an IKEA wrench in my hand. My intentions may have been misinterpreted if I was caught at my neighbor's door with a wrench in my hand, so I returned to my room.

On that note, however, I now have a sweet futon for YOU to sleep on. Come on over!