Nuts

Why does this kind of thing always happen to me, despite my best efforts to avoid it?
Last night, while I was on my computer at a cafe, I noticed the guy at the neighboring table was staring at me. He finally walked over:

Him: I have a question about Wifi.

Me: Uhh, yes? Go ahead.

Him: Well, I don't have internet at home. But could somebody have installed an antenna on top of my building and be using it to beam images onto my television? Can people do that with Wifi?

Me: Uh, no, that is absolutely impossible.

Him: Because there are very pornographic images coming up on my TV, and somebody must be putting them on there using an antenna.

Me: No, again, that is definitely impossible. Don't worry.

At this point, I still thought the guy was sort of sane, even if "very pornographic images" were popping up on his TV.

Him: Well, then what about webcams? For example, I've heard of people breaking water pipes and slipping webcams through the pipes.

Me: I...uhh, I have never heard of that.

Him: I have a very large genealogical chart at home, do you think people may be using webcams to watch me and take pictures of the chart?

At this point I was pretty sure I was in an Ingmar Bergman movie.

Me: What? Well, webcams aren't that small, you'd probably notice one just hanging down from the ceiling.

Him: Oh, so webcams...they're significantly big? I would see them? But...what about nanotechnology? People could just be using tiny wires and slipping them into my apartment.

Me: I've never personally heard of that...I really wouldn't worry about it.

Him: Sometimes my CD Rom drive will open by itself. This must be people playing around with my computer from far away.

Me: Um, I don't think so, that happens sometimes.

He then proceeded to tell me about his favorite female French popstar. As soon as he realized I was American, he began to speak in broken English and tell me the history of the Statue of Liberty. At some point he wore himself out and moved back to his table. I wished him a nice evening.
I'm never leaving my apartment again.